so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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