your parents love me but you hate me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
