Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
