the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
