Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
