When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
