Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
