I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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