if only i could text you this smell
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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