i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
