I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
