i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize