sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
