I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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