Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
