I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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