I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
