Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
