I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
