She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's shark week go big or go home
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
