I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
