Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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