Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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