i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
