I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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