yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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