just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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