The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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