So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
