Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
