Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
