just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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