Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
