Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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