I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
