I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize