I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
