i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
