Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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