I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
