I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize