before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
