Nicole vs. Life
well I can't set my house on fire every night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
