This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
