i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
