literally had 100 drinks last night.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
birth control should be required to get into college
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
