we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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