the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
