you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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