Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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