you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
