so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize