Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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