Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
