I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
