The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize