I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
