life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
