grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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