saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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