last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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