How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
