i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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