We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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