Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
