I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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