Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
